What I want to write about and the reasons and fears that hold me back...

Is it really a tale as old as time? That Fear is that which keeps all of us from having the life that we truly want to live.

Would that mean I'm afraid to face some of my fears since I made a conscious decision long ago to put away the pen. (and somehow should being afraid to face fear be an oxymoron?)

And I should let go of the disgruntlement that all of this flowed so much better in my head as I was driving, but of course you can't really record thoughts very well while you are supposed to be focused on your travels. And if I did have some method of doing so, I'm not sure I could deal with the fear traps that would try and keep from being able to elucidate properly.

I built walls within my heart and mind to try and keep myself safe from my fears, but as I examine the defenses and look for a way in I find myself puzzled by these walls of my own making.

As I search for the path or the key that will allow me to move forward toward the completeness that I know awaits me I wonder about the darkness and fear that may be waiting for me on the other side of the wall that I will have to face to move on past it.

---

A lot of it comes down to that for some of the things I want in life, I still haven't confirmed to myself that I seek them for the right reasons.

A long standing principle of my life has always been doing the right things for the wrong reasons being similar to just doing the wrong thing.

As I examine my life and my landscape, I'm trying to properly focus and realize whether or not that principle is in place in my life for the right reasons or the wrong reasons...

I've evidently made a right twisted conundrum of my mind and life *grin*

And I do acknowledge at some level this whole twisted mess is just yet another distraction that I'm allowing to be placed in my way.

So as in many moments of life I have to make a decision about the best way to proceed, to use classical metaphors how do I get past Gordian's knot? Do I use Alexander's method of just hacking the damn thing apart?

Or to use Bodywork metaphors, do I use Rolfing or Trager... Intense pointed often painful quick adjustments versus gentle relaxing and spread over more time.

Or a combination.

Or another style of metaphor completely *grin*