Did the Wachowski brothers read Stephen Kings The Waste Lands before or after they had read T.S. Elliot's poem?

And 5 points to anyone who can figure out the correlation.

that as soon as I read the following,

"

A gentle sea breeze caresses me as a light appears in the distance, piercing the dark night. Some time later it is directly abreast; I see the ship glowing with lights and hear the faint sound of music. I spot a person waving at our ship—maybe even at me. Minutes pass and the light turns to a glow in the distance and then disappears.

I reflect whether that waving person could have been the one—my best friend, my lover, my world. I will never know the answer—we were two ships passing in the night.

Yet, at unexpected times, in the right place, at exactly the right time, with the right two people, a tiny spontaneous spark ignites an emotion. Whether that tiny flame instantly vanishes or becomes a roaring fire of love is in the hands of the gods... and in ourselves.

"

that I start developing an urge to write a blog message because part of me wants to face my fears and another part sure if its a past or present fear...

Why am I petrified by wanting to fall in love again?

Mystic Theurge 33% Combativeness, 33% Sneakiness, 94% Intellect, 69% Spirituality

Brilliant and spiritual! You are a Mystic Theurge! Score! You have a prestige class. A prestige class can only be taken after you�ve fulfilled certain requirements. This may mean that you�re an exceptionally talented person, but it probably doesn't. The Mystic Theurge is a combination of a cleric and a mage. They can cast both arcane and divine spells, and are good at both, making them pretty terrifying on the battlefield. They have more raw spellpower than just about any other class. You're both intelligent and faithful, but not violent or deceitful. I guess that makes you a pretty good person.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 9% on Combativeness You scored higher than 39% on Sneakiness You scored higher than 94% on Intellect You scored higher than 91% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

especially since I will be LARPing about noon... *grin*

"Ascended - When youve gotten all up in the ass."

Sometimes you just have to *evilgrin*

especially with the added bonus of knowing how different people will try to interpret that.

Does that make me wicked?

Especially since I just won't hand out the keys of enlightenment on that just willy-nilly...

Perfect Karma You scored 88 Giving, 88 Respectful, and 6 Selfish!

Congratulations! You have it! You're are down to earth, responsible, tender, and spontaneous. You respect yourself, and therefore, can honestly respect those around you, the environment, and all other beings that inhabit the earth. You perform good deeds without even thinking. You realize you can always do more. You are continually replenishing your karma with better karma, and you are a shining example of One who lives simply, kindly and with beauty.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 88% on Giving You scored higher than 90% on Respectful You scored higher than 27% on Selfish

Link: The How's Your Karma Test written by Mookie1010 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Which is kind of interesting to me since I definitley do pay more attention to some of these details of life. For a specific timely example in my life right now I have been talking with a friend recently about Gated communities at apartment complexes. I have historically been bothered by people who "piggy back" through a gate and have purposefully not done so, though lately I have to admit I've let that standard go and have done it on occasion lately. My apartment complex has a definite pattern of having the gates broken more often then they are working properly so it tends to be fairly easy to just drive into the complex one way or another.

The other day the complex had the gates repaired yet again and I have to admit I had the thought, dammit now I have to wait for the gates to open again (as if it wasn't lazy enough that I have a garage opener style doohicky for the gates rather than swiping a card at a sensor). I quickly let this thought path go as I tend to be a very calm and patient person (especially compared to who I used to be... but then isn't that what our lives are about is self improvement?)

But this morning when I left the complex one of the entrance gates (there are 2 entrance gates and one exit) had been knocked completely off and there was glass debris on the ground. What's worse is that judging by some of the damage, it looked like the person was going out the in on top of everything else, which means that the culprit was impatient, drunk, or some kind of combination of those. Especially since you can't get the middle gate to open from the inside under normal circumstances... They must have been trying to rush out a gate that someone had just come in but the sensors weren't aligned to notice their approach from that direction.

There was a time in my life were I would have felt a large amount of guilt because of my errant thoughts the day before of being inconvenienced by the gate especially since I have experienced other moments in my life where my errant thoughts have solidified into reality.

But I'm not holding any attachment to this one. It was someone else's Karma to crash into the gate. My only moment of Karma is that I am not yet as enlightened as I want to be and my mind still runs away with itself from time to time.

Be well

The Expatriate Achtung! You are 30% brainwashworthy, 18% antitolerant, and 33% blindly patriotic

Congratulations! You are not susceptible to brainwashing, your values and cares extend beyond the borders of your own country, and your Blind Patriotism does not reach unhealthy levels. If you had been German in the 30s, you would've left the country. One bad scenario -- as I hypothetically project you back in time -- is that you just wouldn't have cared one way or the other about Nazism. Maybe politics don't interest you enough. But the fact that you took this test means they probably do. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. Did you know that many of the smartest Germans departed prior to the beginning of World War II, because they knew some evil shit was brewing? Brain Drain. Many of them were scientists. It is very possible you could have been one of them. Conclusion: born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would not have been a Nazi. The Would You Have Been A Nazi? Test

(Thank goodness! *grin* Hmmm... The trap is that it is easier to use these tests to analyze yourself than to do your own introspection, but at the same time these tests give at least a sense of impartial judgement)

the Peacemaker Test finished!

you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE. "I am at peace" Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them. How to Get Along with Me If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure. I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this. Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit. Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally. Ask me questions to help me get clear. Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery. Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings. I like a good discussion but not a confrontation. Let me know you like what I've done or said. Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life. What I Like About Being a Nine being nonjudgmental and accepting caring for and being concerned about others being able to relax and have a good time knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe What's Hard About Being a Nine being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally being confused about what I really want caring too much about what others will think of me not being listened to or taken seriously Nines as Children Often feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant tune out a lot, especially when others argue are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves Nines as Parents are supportive, kind, and warm are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

ENFJ- The Teacher You scored 63% I to E, 31% N to S, 28% F to T, and 36% J to P!

Your type is known as the teacher, or the educating mentor. You also belong to the larger group, called idealists. You tend to bring out the best in other people. You lead without seeming to do so. People are naturally drawn to you. You expect the very best from people which takes the form of enthusiastic encouragement which is so charming that people try their best not to disappoint you. You share your personality type with 3% of the population. You need to feel a deep and meaningful connection to your romantic partners, and go to great lengths to understand and please your mate. Harmony is vitally important to you, and you often put others' needs before your own. You have a pretty thin skin and are easily hurt. Although you strive for harmony, when your values or ethics are violated, you can be very emotional, confrontational, and even punishing. However, you are very insightful about the underlying cause of conflicts, and an excellent communicator, so you have the tools to bring about a quick and peaceful resolution as long as you can keep control of your facilities. You want to be appreciated for your thoughtfulness and compassion. You need your partner to make a real effort to get to know you. Above all, you need to be able to express your feelings and have them taken seriously. Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: ENFJ

Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Either its a frighteningly accurate personality test or its designed to give very encouraging responses *grin*

Generally speaking I've always felt it my responsibllity to not to be the one to forward what would technically qualify as internet spam...

But I just have to say that this email I received made me smile.

This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

So............If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you.

If you get it back, then they really do Love you.

And always remember.... when life hands you Lemons, ask for Tequila and salt....and call me over!!

What I want to write about and the reasons and fears that hold me back...

Is it really a tale as old as time? That Fear is that which keeps all of us from having the life that we truly want to live.

Would that mean I'm afraid to face some of my fears since I made a conscious decision long ago to put away the pen. (and somehow should being afraid to face fear be an oxymoron?)

And I should let go of the disgruntlement that all of this flowed so much better in my head as I was driving, but of course you can't really record thoughts very well while you are supposed to be focused on your travels. And if I did have some method of doing so, I'm not sure I could deal with the fear traps that would try and keep from being able to elucidate properly.

I built walls within my heart and mind to try and keep myself safe from my fears, but as I examine the defenses and look for a way in I find myself puzzled by these walls of my own making.

As I search for the path or the key that will allow me to move forward toward the completeness that I know awaits me I wonder about the darkness and fear that may be waiting for me on the other side of the wall that I will have to face to move on past it.

---

A lot of it comes down to that for some of the things I want in life, I still haven't confirmed to myself that I seek them for the right reasons.

A long standing principle of my life has always been doing the right things for the wrong reasons being similar to just doing the wrong thing.

As I examine my life and my landscape, I'm trying to properly focus and realize whether or not that principle is in place in my life for the right reasons or the wrong reasons...

I've evidently made a right twisted conundrum of my mind and life *grin*

And I do acknowledge at some level this whole twisted mess is just yet another distraction that I'm allowing to be placed in my way.

So as in many moments of life I have to make a decision about the best way to proceed, to use classical metaphors how do I get past Gordian's knot? Do I use Alexander's method of just hacking the damn thing apart?

Or to use Bodywork metaphors, do I use Rolfing or Trager... Intense pointed often painful quick adjustments versus gentle relaxing and spread over more time.

Or a combination.

Or another style of metaphor completely *grin*

Like so many times lately my train of thought keeps shifting from moment to moment being influenced by some of the minutae around me.  I will start this missive with the hope that it will end up somewhere around where it needs to go.

 

I've been blocking up some of my energy lately by not being able to bring myself to write like I want to be able to...  And I will have to bring myself to discuss that part of my puzzle sometime soonish also.

 

I woke up this morning with a couple of ideas or "catch phrases" that I could expand into a blog and its only the fairly obviously inspired by valentine's day one that I will probably end up writing...  But it does kinda bother me a bit that I'm not sure if I can remember the other one clearly enough at the moment that I am not sure that I will ever be able to write about it. 

 

Its bad enough that I have been battling against writer's block...

Railing against walls and battlements that I placed in my own mind many years ago.  Immersing myself in hopes and fears trying to find the path to the keys that I hid from myself so long ago.

 

(Pardon me while I take a moment to observe some of my daily rituals...  The comic section of the paper and a relatively new addition to my daily pattern... Sudoku.  I must continue some of my basic patterns while I'm at work so I must ride the swells and waves to navigate through shark infested waters *sigh*)

 

- - -

 

A few moments of hand holding and answering fairly basic questions later...

 

A reminder note to myself (so somebody remind me later if necessary to write about it *grin*) the other blog pattern was going to be about the nature of journaling and how it intersects with blogging.

 

I happen to look down at the section of the newspaper that hold the comics and notice an article on the front of that section.  I have it sitting closed up in preparation of returning it the person I have borrowed it from... (I cannot at this moment dredge up a memory of ever having bought a paper myself but usually borrowing someone else's... *wry grin*  remind me to write about my days as a paperboy)

 

And there I go driving down tangents of tangents *evilgrin* it almost makes me think about chaos mathematics again...  The article in question manages to inform me that today on Valentine's day is also the release date of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

 

Is it any wonder why I feel the need to pop my neck from time to time?  *sigh*

 

okay enough peramubulating... now to start weaving the thread of a memory...

 

- - -

 

It looks like I will have to persue this thread later...  a number of errant things are demanding a larger share of my processing.  There are many times at work when I find myself thinking about the process whereby one can boil a live frog. *wry grin*

 

Will share more later.

Fair warning... If you click on the link below and watch this short ifilm clip you will never be able to watch Back to the Future again quite the same way that you always have before.

And no amount of Brain-o will ever change that *grin*

Brokeback to the Future

It is so belligerently unfair that we must be forced to learn this harsh cold truth at a very young age in order to be able to prepare ourselves sufficiently to make it through this great adventure with any semblance of sanity.

(One, two, three, four... I declare a thumb war!)

maybe sanity is over rated... *grin*

But back to the story...

Kindergarten or First grade, not entirely sure which, on the playground in the middle of winter. Bundled up with crotched hat and mittens against the very chill michigan air.

Everyone is nice and honest so I never thought twice when the other boy told me to stick my tongue to the frozen piece of playground equipment.

(and this is where everyone makes a comment about that christmas movie)

Now if you've never done this... DON'T!!!

But unless you've been through this experience I'm not sure you can fully understand the moment of sheer horror when you realize that you are stuck and you cannot move. You are trapped by the tongue of all things to a merry go round. You have been betrayed by your fellow man (er boy).

Some young lady told me that I could regain my freedom by pulling myself away from the cold metal. However I wasn't informed that I would be leaving a piece of myself behind...

Sharp and searing pain.

Why for a situation so enmeshed in the cold, does the pain feel so hot?

So there I am, violated and in pain... What do I do? I go tell the person in authority. I go to the teacher who is in charge of the playground.

I relate what has happened to me (and others, I was not the only one fooled) and find myself confronted by the real tragedy and betrayel of the events.

I went seeking justice from the one who was meant to be looking out for me and was turned away.

I was left in the cold alone with my wounds, condemned to week of not being able to consume hot liquids and careful chewing.


With the perspective of adulthood I can understand the position of the lady teacher... After all what could she have done. But it was still a very bitter pill to swallow at such a tender age.

And when I watch grown adults be nasty and spiteful to each other, I'm forced to understand that teacher more and more... What can I do?





How do you debug the subroutine?